Happy New Year Friend

New Years Eve 2011....  Isn't funny how a simple date on a calendar can force you to evaluate your life.  Resolutions, I promise to this more, that less...  Why??  I think that it is a pretty easy answer.  We are not perfect and we never will be either.  Personally, I have made some huge gains this year.  Forged deeper relationships with family and friends.  Met new friends.  Recommitted myself to be the father and role model that my kids can be proud of.  Stood up for people when nobody else would.  Given to people that otherwise would have had nothing.  Took extra time to say "Thank you" and  "it was nice to meet you."  Broken down insecurities that have plagued me my whole life.  Even more firmly committed myself to my God, my Savior, Jesus Christ.  Sounds like a pretty great year, right?  Wrong.  Nearly all has been overshadowed by one epic failure.  People that know me will not agree, but it has not changed my mind in the least.  I let down the best friend of my life.  Should it matter that they too have let me down?  No!  Absolutely no excuse.  The Lord says "turn the other cheek".  Well, let me tell you that this is one of the hardest things to do in the Bible in my opinion.  Why is it so easy to turn the cheek to a stranger but so difficult with a best friend?  It just SUCKS for lack of a better term.  Should be easier, but it definately is not.  God would not have put it in his great book if it was.  What about my friend?  Has she turned her cheek?  I cannot answer that.  I can only comment on what I have seen and even that is subject to my own perpesctive which absolutely does not make me right.  In fact, it probably makes me even more wrong because in many ways it can be easily perceived as judging of which I certainly have no authority.  Maybe I will just stick to me and my role in the failure.  You see, I want my friend back.  I have used guilt, anger, conditional forgiveness, arguments of how much easier life would be with my help and even tried making her jealous in the sense that I was doing fine without her (I am doing fine, just not in how I was trying to portray it).  You see the pattern?  Me trying to control or influence our outcome.  An outcome and will that only God himself can influence and effect.  Throughout this past year, I have not only let down my friend but I failed to just trust God.  I admit that I have not forgiven my friend for what has happened.  But that is not her problem, it is mine.  There is nothing she can do, forgiveness is up to me.  I know she deserves it, I just do not know how or possibly am not ready to give it.  So much has changed that things will never be the same between us.  Can't be.  We are two totally different people now.  I would not want what we had anyways.  Maybe what everyone thought we had, but definately not what we had.  Maybe God broke us down to build us back up stronger.  Maybe there are different futures almost completely independent from either of us.  Who knows what God has in mind.  My resolution os to let him work his will with me.  To trust him and in all ways listen for his word and look for his works.  As far as my friend goes, I am sad for my part in the fact that I have nearly completely lost touch with her.  I have heard some good things that have happened in her life that I am am happy for her.  Major goals accomplished by her and it makes me proud for her.  She is doing it in the face of little support from many.  Myself being the primary offender.  She is a good person and I am still her #1 fan whether she believes or likes it or not.  I want her to know that I miss my friend very much.  I pray that she has a good new year.  And if it is God's will, I do look forward to getting to know her again.  In the mean time, Happy New Year friend.  I wish you continued success.
                                                                                               Still your #1 Fan, tms '11

"Heart Broken"

I know a man that had it all together, all things clicked, a good life
I saw him recently, lost, out of sorts, a condition caused by his wife
I do not know the reason why, who was to blame, and don't even care
I just know that a divorce has occured, one that was not at all fair
I seen this man removed not by his choice from his kids by many miles
I seen him trapped by a house and job, paying child support and alimony as per divorce files
When I visited his home, signs of past visits from the kids were everywhere
Toys all around, beds unmade, homework unfinished, kinda looked like they were just there
The reality was, despite the look of the house, they had not been there in nearly four weeks
What I seen on is face was pain and hurt, more time with his kids is all he really seeks
But he was all alone in this beautiful house that was meant for raising kids
Despite its beauty and potential, its purpose was unfilled like unopened treasure lids
I saw papers and dolls with vacuum marks around them on the floor
No doubt in my mind, he did it this way so he could remember the life he had before
I cannot imagine the pain and agony that this man must feel
Everything that brought him joy and happiness, gone, nothing feels real
How is it fair that such a good man has to hurt so much
Who is the winner, takes the trophy, or anything of the such
Not this man, I can promise you that, he is busted and heart broken
Not the kids, this is for sure, for all they have left of their father is a token
During my visit, my kids ran and played with all the toys
You can see in his face both saddness and happiness for all the noise
His temporary relief was leaving as we all wished him the best
When we left his house, I could see the heaviness set back in on his chest
He has support from some of the best people I know
But loneliness and emptiness is all his heart can show
If there is one thing I learned from watching this amazing man
It is life is hard, sucks sometimes, sucks a lot, but be the best that you can
To always treasure your children and be there for them when they call
Because you never know what circumstances can happen where you can lose it all

"Just a Reminder"

I went to a concert last night at Westside Community Church with my two beautiful children.  We saw a group by the name of "Go Fish".  They bill themselves as kids music that parents can stand.  They actually had a lot of very powerful messages in their songs.  The music was loud, laser shows, lots of strobe lights, firing streamers and blasting smoke.  Really cool to see.  The kids and I never stopped dancing except when the group took a moment to read some scripture at a few points during the concert.  One of the most interesting songs I heard for me was the "Ten Commandments".  These are God's rules for living your life and are required.  I was listening to the song and I am embarrassed to say that I could not recall all 10 commandments.  So if you are like me, here is a refresher:

1. You shall have no other gods before me.

2. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

3.  You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

4.  Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

5.  Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

6.  You shall not murder.

7.  You shall not commit adultery.

8.  You shall not steal.

9.  You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

10.  You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.

There you have them, in case you forgot too.  I love these rules.  Clear.  Specific.  Not sure how to not work on Sundays but it is nice to have a really good reason not too. :)  Keeping Sundays Holy though, no problem.

"Dinner with a Friend"

Is there anything better than dinner with a friend?  One that you have known for years, that no matter what the conversation is about from food to movies it is the most intriguing topic at the moment.  I love it!  I have to admit that I have a favorite dinner friend.  This friend is in love with food.  The way she studies the menu and picks out the smallest detail before making the decision "I'm gonna try that!"  You can tell right away if it is a hit or not just by the expression on her face.  As we eat, the conversation drifts and flows to various topics.  Each as interesting as the next.  The smiles, the laughs, what a break from the stresses of the world.  I could go on listening all night long, but alas, its getting late.  It is tough for me to say goodbye, but worth the wait for the next opportunity to share dinner with a friend.

"Divorce"

I cannot understand divorce.  Is nothing sacred anymore if it is so easy just to call it quits?  It is an oath.  A promise made in front of witnesses and most importantly made under God.  If you have the ability to walk out on this promise, either spouse, than you are capable of any crime imaginable.  One might say that they are abused either verbally or physically.  To this I say the abuser is doing the divorcing regardless if they filed or not.  No man or woman has the right to abuse their spouse, ever.  One might say that I just don't Love them anymore or I don't want to be married.  Tough!  Figure it out!  Get help!  Exhaust all options and for the love of God never quit!  It is both spouses' responsibility to work it out, regardless of the circumstances.  Especially of there are kids involved.  What kind of message is being sent to them?  When the going gets tough, quit???  It is my opinion that their is no better lesson for your children then to watch their parents follow through with their vows and promise under God.  You have to give up a dream, so what!  Can't imagine yourself with the same person day in and day out, get over it!  A marriage commitment is bigger than the couple.  It is bigger than any dream.  Bigger than any job.  Bigger than any friend.  Bigger than yourself!  You chose to make the commitment with your own free will.  It is your job to make good on it.  If you do not believe me, let's see what God has to say:

Malachi 2:16 "I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel"

To a cheating spouse:
Proverbs 2:16-19  "It will save you also from the adulterous, from the wayward with with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.  For her house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of the dead.  None who go to her return or attain the paths of life"

Proverbs 6:32-33 "But a man who commits adultery lacks judgement; whoever does so destroys himself.  Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away;

A warning to the coward that pursues a married woman:
Proverbs 6:34-35 "for jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.  He will not accept any compensation; he will refuse the bribe, however great it is.

God's Command:
Ephesians 5:33 "Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

GET A CLUE PEOPLE!!!!

"What is not to Love about me?"

What is not to Love about me?
When I look, it is with loving eyes I see
When I speak, is is with respect and care
When I critique, it is with Love, for with malice I would not dare
When I Love, it is deep, true and full
When I help, no payment is asked in return, not the slightest toll
When I care, no circumstance will change my mind
When I am needed, no better friend you will find
When I parent, I am stern with a Loving gentle touch
When I pray, it is with devotion and never to much
When I work, my best efforts are always given
When I play, I make it fun, a time worth livin
When I fight, it is with passion and not without cause
When I make a mistake, I am the first to admit my flaws
When I make a promise, it will always be kept
When my heart is broken, I am not afraid to admit I wept
When I am asked for advice, I will always give the truth
When I smile big, it is real and you will see each and every tooth
When I am with my kids, there is no better feeling
When I am faced with a problem, there is no one better at dealing
When I give, I am always willing and without a fee
What is not to Love about me?

"Anxiety"

It can strike without warning or other times you feel it
With a truck or a freight train it feels like you have been hit
Your heart palpates, out of rythym and beat
Knees wobbely, unsteady, sweating with no heat
Like an elephant standing on your chest with all its might
For every breath you must struggle, for each is a fight
Your mind races without control and fills with dread
The worst case scenario, nothing else in your head
You feel like you are drowning and everybody sees
But instead of helping, they walk by like the breeze
Your scared, your sad and panicked all at one time
Your selfworth is nothing, a case for depression you are prime
Sleep is not likely, as hard as you try
Lying there exhausted, all you want to do is cry
No motivation, no drive, a complete lack of desire
Nothing is important, you have lost your fire
Medication can help and psychatrists too
Until finally its realized, the change must come from you

"Gossip"

Whispering, mumbling, winks of an eye
A hush comes over when the victim is nearby
Can't understand what is so important to say
When that person is not around and in play
But alas, it happens all of the time
Somebody is talked about for no reason or rhyme
Does it make a person feel better to cut someone down?
Fine, then why don't you say it when they are around!
A coward whispers behind peoples' backs
Makes opinions and judgements without the facts
Why is there no courage to say it to their face?
Low morale character, insecurities is usually the case.
Not only is it wrong, but the act is a sin
From the serpents tongue and the darkness within
To the people that feel that gossip is not profane
Hear this declaration: THERE ARE FEW THINGS THAT CAUSE AS MUCH PAIN!